At ReproMed, we know that fertility treatment isn’t just a medical journey – it’s an emotional one too. Unless you have been through it, it is hard to understand the emotional rollercoaster that people go through. IVF can bring moments of hope and joy, but it can also have highs and lows, often leading to feelings of overwhelm, sadness and emotional exhaustion. If someone you love is going through IVF, knowing how to provide healthy support can make all the difference.
We’ve partnered with Natasha, our Fertility counsellor to share her expert advice on how to provide meaningful, compassionate support. If you or someone close to you would like to talk to Natasha directly, you can reach her at fertilitycounsellingdublin@gmail.com.
1. Familiarise yourself with the IVF process
Take time to understand the realities of infertility and IVF treatments. There is some much information on the internet so doing a little research will not only give you insight into the process but it can also make it easier for your loved one to share their experiences, without feeling like they need to explain every detail. Also being conscious of important dates on their journey.
2. Be present and available
Sometimes the best thing you can do is simply be there. Check in with a short message, like:
“Thinking of you today - I hope everything goes well ” or ‘ I hope all went well today’
Acknowledging important dates and having a supportive person along for appointments can take away some of the sense of isolation. You can also plan ahead for how you can support them on those days. Help with tracking important dates can take off the pressure.
If they’re going through a solo IVF journey or their partner is unable to attend, you could offer to accompany them, or even help with practical tasks of car rides or help with administering injections. Offering to help, so they don’t have to ask is a great way of showing support.
3. Respect their privacy
We are all different, while some may be reserved and some may wear their heart on their sleeve. Always seek permission to see if it is a good time to talk about this sensitive topic.Observe who they are as not everyone is ready or comfortable talking about their journey. Respect their boundaries and allow them to share as much – or as little – as they want, in their own time. Always seek permission to see if it is a good time to talk about this sensitive topic. A gentle prompt like, “I’m here if you ever need to talk – no pressure,” can give them the space they need.
4. Offer emotional support without the need to fix things
Your loved one isn’t always looking for solutions – often they just want to feel heard and understood. Avoid offering unsolicited advice or trying to “fix” things. Instead, focus on listening, and validating their experience and feelings.
You can say things like:
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“I really hear how much this is weighing on you.”
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“That sounds really hard.”
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“It’s okay to feel disappointed, hurt, angry, or frustrated – your feelings are valid.”
5. Be mindful of sensitive topics
Fertility treatment can bring up conflicting emotions, particularly around pregnancy announcements, baby showers and family occasions like Christmas, all of which can be a painful reminder of their hearts desire and what they are longing for. Showing compassion while giving them permission to opt out of events without pressure or guilt. It can be tiring for them trying to think of excuses.
6. Encourage self-care
Support their emotional and physical well-being by encouraging gentle self-care – whether that’s taking time to rest, going for a walk, or doing something they enjoy outside of the “IVF bubble.”
7. Create safe spaces for conversation
Choose an environment where they feel comfortable opening up. A quiet coffee shop, a walk in the park, or even side-by-side chats (like in the car) can help conversations flow more naturally.
When they do open up, give them your full attention – silence your phone, use open body language, and maintain soft eye contact.
8. Acknowledge their reality
Acknowledging their feelings, rather than minimising or comparing them, is powerful. Avoid phrases like “Don’t feel that way,” or “You’re overreacting.” Instead, say:
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“I can understand why you feel this way.”
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“It makes total sense to feel like this.”
Being mindful that undergoing treatment becomes their primary focus. It can take its toll from an emotional, physical and financial sense.
9. Ask open-ended questions
Encourage them to express themselves by asking gentle, open questions:
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“What was this like for you?”
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“How did it make you feel?”
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“What do you need most right now?”
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“How can I best support you?
10. Follow up
A simple follow-up message a few days later shows that you care and haven’t forgotten what they’re going through. You might say:
“I’m really glad you shared this with me – I’m here anytime if you want to talk.”
Your Support Matters
Treatment can sometimes feel isolating, like wearing an invisible cloak of grief. Your presence, compassion, and willingness to listen can make a huge difference. Remember, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach – the key is to be there in a way that feels supportive, without pressure or expectation.
For further emotional support during your fertility journey, you can contact Natasha, our fertility counsellor, at fertilitycounsellingdublin@gmail.com.