“Just Relax!” Why this phrase can be so harmful
For someone facing infertility, they’ve likely heard the phrase “just relax” from well-meaning friends and family members.
While their intentions may be good, this phrase can be harmful and dismissive to couples who are struggling to conceive.
The Problem with “Just Relax”
Infertility is a complex medical issue that can be caused by a variety of factors, including age, genetics, and underlying medical conditions. The idea that relaxation or stress reduction can cure infertility is a myth that has been perpetuated for decades. While stress can impact overall health and well-being, it’s not the sole cause of infertility.
When friends and family members tell a couple to “just relax” or “stop stressing,” they may unintentionally be minimising the couple’s experience and the real medical issues they are facing. Also, by telling a couple that is already suffering due to infertility to “just relax”, we are making this couple, especially the female, to feel guilty… If it is my stress that is causing infertility, then it is my fault. Infertility is a medical condition that requires medical treatment, and simply “relaxing” will not solve the problem.
What to Do Instead?
If you’re facing infertility and someone tells you to “just relax,” it’s important to communicate your feelings and advocate for yourself. Let your loved one know that their words are not helpful and that you need their support and understanding. It is also important to remind them that support does not mean advice. One can be incredibly supporting by just listening with love and empathy.
It’s also important to seek out professional support. Only a professional can provide medical treatment and support, while a community of other couples sharing the same struggle with infertility can provide emotional support and understanding.
In addition, there are many stress-reduction techniques that can be helpful for managing the emotional toll of infertility, such as yoga, meditation, and mindfulness. These techniques can be helpful in managing the emotional pressure in conjunction with medical treatment, but they should never be viewed as a cure for infertility. Its not!
Telling someone to “just relax” is problematic for couples facing infertility, as it minimises their experience and the real medical issues they are facing and adds the unfair element of guilt to an equation where it should have no place in. It’s important to communicate your feelings and seek out professional help. While stress-reduction techniques can be helpful for managing the emotional toll of infertility, unfortunately, they are not the cure for infertility.
Doctor Hans Arce | Fertility Specialist